We'll, I have to get something off of my chest before I go to bed. I just talked with my Golden Best Friend Chris, and the conversation didn't go so well.
Let's start from the beginning, so you can some what follow this relationship. The VA put me into a Training Program learning how to make eyeglasses. The job title is Lab Technician. Chris ended up being my Supervisor, and I missed some work due to personal issues prior to him being my Supervisor. Once he was my Supervisor, he started to talk with me daily and helped me in every way possible. He was married and his wife also worked with us in a different area of the building, and he told me that they were living seperate lives and that it was time for him to move on. Chris could tell when I was upset, and so he was constantly taking me outside to talk with me about what was going on with me. At the time I was living at the mission, because my husband had walked out on me. Our friendship ended up turning into a relationship, and he ended up getting fired due to us having a sexual relationship.
So, we moved up to the Portland area with my sisters. His wife called several times and I would let him talk with her. He would leave the room and I was ok with that, because I was going to be the bigger person within this whole relationship. I could've been a BITCH and not tell him when she called or even give him the phone to talk with her. We went to his son's house, and he was giving his dad the cold shoulder so we went back to my sisters. To make a long story short, his wife called--he went to the garage--came in and told me that he needed to talk to me. So I went into the garage with him and he told me that he was going back to his wife. I got all upset and was crying non-stop. I ended up riding with him to Eugene and he put me in a motel for the night. He picked me up first thing in the morning and brought me back to my sisters house. He went back Eugene and called me several times a day. His marriage wasn't working out, once again, and he showed up at our door at about 7 pm one night. I was estatic. Once again, he was back to be with me. A few weeks later, I went to Washington with my sister and while we were gone him and his son came and got all his stuff. Our baby sis called and told us what had happened. I finally got a hold of Chris to ask what was going on and he told me that it just wasn't working out, and he was going to stay with his son. I started crying non-stop--once again. After talking with him we went to the liquor store and that's when I bought the bottle of Perma Frost and we had it almost gone within an hour. Boy, I really got FUCKED UP that night. I had fun, but once I woke up the next day I was still pretty upset over the whole situation.
Today we talk on the phone and he tells me that I'm still his Golden Best Friend, and that he never wants to loose that. He told me that if I ever need help to just ask and that he'll do whatever is needed to help me. He has recently bought a house with his son, and he has been seeing his wife--once again. He will call me and complain about how rotten things went during the visit, but yet he still stays with it. I talk to him about what's going on with me and he supports me in every way possible. I have recently talked with him about my new boyfriend, and he tells me that I deserve to be happy and that he wishes us the best of luck. Chris and I haven't seen each other in over a month due to our feelings we still have for each other, so we have decided to just talk on the phone and wait to see each other until we are able to see each other and be ok with it as just a friendship.
I talked with Chris tonight and he told me that his wife has thrown everything away that I have given to him--cards, pics, cd's, etc. I told him that he needs to tell her to grow up. His tone of voice changed with me, and he said he had to go. I said "Ya, you gotta go now because you're mad again." He told me that he wasn't mad, but that he just got off the phone with her and she wasn't too nice to him, and he said that he wasn't going to hear it from me to. He then said that I haven't gotten over the Relationship to where it can just be a friendship.
You know, we are Golden Best Friends and we talk with each other about what is going on in our lives. We talk to each other about our other relationship, and like he said we both get jealous about it but at the same time we know that we don't do good as a couple and that why we're just Golden Best Friends. Sometimes it's really hard, because I need someone to talk to and I'm not sure if I can talk with him becasue I don't know how he's going to react. Chris has hung up on me several times, but he'll always call me back the same day or the next day and tell me sorry.
This relationship with Chris is a very strange one for me, and sometimes I just don't know what to do. I'll hang up from him and just start crying, if I had already started crying while talking to him. I look up to Chris very much so, because he pretty much saved my life. If it weren't for him I'd be living a life of distruction and who knows where I'd be today. Thanks so much Chris, and I love you. MY GOLDEN BEST FRIEND!!!!!
