With a huge hug that lasted forever and tears streaming down our faces, I said goodbye to my son today. He is heading back to florida where he will be until Jan. 08 when he deploys. Its been a very emotional visit for all of us, but for my boy and me it has been, just like everything for us...a struggle. The time went fast and emotions ran high, we have an unusual relationship and I guess we always will have. My dad says it is a boy trying to make the transition into manhood and the hardest part of this transition is letting go of his mom. Power struggle and control..wanting to be a man but still holding on like a little boy then anger when he realizes that he hasn't let go all the way. 6'0 and 215lbs..he held onto me like he did when he was just a little guy..those big brown eyes looking at me...the tears started and he whispered to me..."I love you mom"...my heart is breaking and letting go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do...my heart is with him, he is in every thought behind every dream...my son is and always will be my little boy.
My granddaughter Lexi who is 3 just cried and cried not wanting to leave and not understanding why the tears and sadness were there...but knowing she was going back to her house and nana would not be there..to laugh with, to wipe the tears or to chase away the cookie monster out of the bathroom...lol. So precious..she is the light of my life..nanas happy thoughts. Little molly marie who is only 6 mths just smile when i kissed her forhead..probably thinking that lady is the one who makes me laugh alot...she is funny..not knowing that her nanas' heart is heavy at the thought of letting her go..
My daughter-n-law..the one i loved from the start and the one who has become the light of my sons life..i have seen and felt the "tug-of-war" between her and I...all for the love of my son..me having to let go and her not wanting to share..lol she has stood by my boy and she loves him..I see it in her eyes when she looks at him..
So, as I watched Kristopher hugging his grandma and grandpa, not knowing if it might be the last time I felt grateful for them being such a big part of his life. And in a moments breath they were gone...and once again I am left with an emptiness that only they can fill...may their travels be safe...peace
