OK to all that know me n think they know me
you dont cuz you never asked
well I will let you in on a few secrets
to people and friends on here who say WE ARE FAMILY you know what if that was really the case then you would have asked what was wrong or going on not push me away.....I come to realize alot MY FAMILY is MY FAMILY and my friends are my friends and there are people in passing
Well for those who want to know why I am distant lately, well here lets start before i keep bitching and maybe some of you will feel a little remorse n dumb for how you
1. treated me
2. acted towards me
3. expected me to be myself
well first off lets say My MOM who to me is the most special lady in the world....just found out she has a few non-cancerous tumors but also may have BREAST CANCER....now I dont know bout any of you losing her means alot but It also means my DAD dies with her cuz without her he wouldnt beable to exsist. So please tell me how you would act or think
All I have at this point is my son, my mom n DAD. my sister decided to write the family off for her selfish reasons which I wont get into so it might be a little more understanding why my FAMILIA is very importante to me
lets see lets talk bout my job which I love n enjoy 90% of the time....well business is slow and cuz im on low end of totem pole and 1 of 3 owners dont like me, I might be let go. only reason he dosent like me is cuz he was my neighbor growing up and seen me grow from that 12 yr old boy to a man but still thinks im that juvinille all because i wouldnt sell him weed back in the day. And I bust my ass harder then half the people there. SO yeah being unemployed in my current situation would suck tremendous balls, since i have no car or license n its a swift close walk to my house
3rd I have a case of depression and I have not been on any meds in bout 3 yrs, yes I have come to grips with it and deal but I do tend to have my LOW moments and sometimes lower then others. You will probally ask why not get medicine....well with no health insurance i cant get it and I rather not be on drugs due to the fact I am a former pill popping recovering drug addict.
Also I have a Women I truly n deeply care for, but at same time with past relationships I am totally petrified n nervous that I wont live to expectations, I am not the best catch in the world and wonder why me.....and I do have a tendecy to Fuck things up n push people away
another is my SON n his mom who I wont lie was one of my true loves but we dont see eye to eye...dosent matter thats the past Well me n her dont commuicate and I honestly think its starting to effect my Son who is 8, and to tell you the truth its not do to my lack of trying...I try all the time I dont get phone calls back. shoot she dosent even tell me bout cub scout stuff til the day of and always on my weekend so I get to see my son maybe 3 days a month so yes a little stressful
Also to top off the end of the year I almost had a baby with my X and she didnt know if it was mine or her new BF so for 9 months I stressed n dealt with that,,,,so coming from someone who has had 4 ulcers already for reason partly my fault I have some shit to deal or dealt with so being told I am not contributing enough is a reason to push me away even further
So Dealing with all of this just as an ice breaker there is more trust me. So to people n friends who want to say they are my family are full of shit because maybe when I made an effort to reach out all i got was pushed away told I was doing shit & not good enough and my ass ridden n bitched out for shit totally beyond my control. So YES I used FUBAR n drinking and a few other things to let lose forget n deal with some of my personal problems so i could just be me n free even if it was for 10- 15 minutes a day.....well even then that just was not good enough I was a DJ for a great place n friends well those people who I thought were a family well some of them pushed me a little to far a little too much to where above n beyond all the stress i have above I couldnt take it....Alot of things were said but what is done is done.....
for anybody who thinks I need to grow up n talk there shit behind my back cuz I have heard many of you do it,,,,,then speak it to me personally cuz HONESTLY I KNOW bout 5 of you people that will never do it cuz you honestly dont have the cojones to do it.
You want to keep passing rumors bout me go for it I dont care....cuz I know I never did bout you
You want to say and I quote "he needs to grow up n get over it" well you know what you get over losing your job n maybe your mom at the same time among other things
SO this family we work thru our problems n shit its ALL complete BS n false cuz if it was true then anyone of them would have personally tried to talk to me or asked me how i was cuz I did for all of them during there breakdowns kids being born, there family problems, there spouse problems and whatever else it was
call me distant call me unapproachable but you know what I was always true
SO If you dont like me, BITE ME....but man up and say it to my face least thri the computer oh wait you cant cuz you never gave a shit to begin with
SO FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS N KNOWS ME N WHAT I WAS PART OF I LEFT FOR DIFFERENCE OF OPINION N THATS THE ONLY REASON...SO KEEP IT STRAIGHT DONT GET IT TWISTED
