So I fly out to NY for a buddy's wedding. I mean, he's way cool and all, but I hate weddings. Oh yeah, I hate NY, too. Of course I agree to come out and then he drops me the bomb, "dude, it would mean a lot to me if you would be in my wedding". Cool. No prob. I hate weddings. I hate NY. I hate the thought of being in a tux in the wedding party. But I really like my friend, so of course I'll do it. AA gets delayed in St. Louis (a dirty shithole of an airport), so now I get into NY at 11:15 and miss the last shuttle to BFE. The last $60 shuttle, that is. Town cars are $130. No time to wait, so I hop a taxi and start haggling. The driver wants to charge me $192 according to his book. I want to pay less according to my middle finger. We settle on $120. 45 miles total, should take an hour. 1 hour 45 minutes later we get to the hotel. Jackass taxi gimp keeps getting lost, despite me calling the place and giving him directions. Whatever. 2AM local time and I am heading to bed. 35 degrees and dumbass from CA sleeps with the windows open. My nads are frozen and my outtie (the monster I call Goliath) is now an innie. Next day. We head to the church for rehearsal. Now, I don't normally go into churches. This isn't my ruling, but you know, God asked me not to come back. The bride-to-be's mom is making all the arrangements. I now no longer get to walk down the aisle with a bride's maid. I am now walking with another dude. Matter of fact, all of us are walking together, two by two. Then the girls follow, two by two. This would be cool if I was in a gay wedding like my homo little brother's, but I'm not. WTF is she thinking?! Three minute rehearsal, none of us know WTF we are doing, and then onto the dinner and drinking. I'm just getting back to the hotel now. Part 2 on Sunday. I wonder if the coke-head little brother is going to fuck this all up?
