From March 2001, no wonder I am unsettled it must be a seven year itch.++++++
I did try - but it was short-lived - to tidy up my act. Well, how frustrating to discover that these things take time. Three quarters of an hour to be precise. This all refers to becoming a butterfly or epicure by the way. Sows’ ears are hard work transforming into silk purses or persons - hence the time. Actually to get a perfect job would have taken the whole day and as that is all the hours there are in a day, well nothing else would ever been achieved. If I practice I will become a dab hand at is no doubt. So anyway, on went the smart clothes, jumper and skirt - then on when the overall to guarantee protection against low-flying water with bleach and other such substances well known for damaging even the toughest of frocks. The sun even tried to show its beautiful face but was soon smothered by the usual coating of grumpy grey cloud.
That is by the by but at least it was a ray of hope in an otherwise mundane day. Having an early start, and what seemed a good long day to get stuck in, off we went. Great chaos ensued just to clean a tiny tabletop. Bedlam in the bedroom as sheets etc. fought hard to stay snuggled on the bed. Much coaxing and they finally deigned to enter the wash cycle. Total uproar with duvet scattered fully clothed on the floor. Oh, it will just have to stay there, as there is plenty of time and not much space in the washroom. Might as well go the whole hog and do a real clean out.
The superdooper new shower and bath cleaning fluid seemed purchased as a hint to do something in the very steamy bathroom. Well, it will save some elbow grease we thought - very prematurely. ‘Use on a clean surface to ensure all further out-pourings go like water off the duck’s back! This turns out to be a job for Mr. Muscle tone - well mine are flaccid after all and need firming up so here’s the chance we have been waiting for.
Bleach and brush and find the elbow grease to make things run smoothly time. What a joke. Run smoothly, huh. It is amazing how a thing as innocuous as water can make such a lasting and durable mark. And to make matters worse set up mould camps in every grout filling. If only I could find my real old fashioned scrubber it would make the whole job a whole lot quicker and easier. As it is the toothbrush decided to give up the ghost halfway through. Then to make matters worse, having climbed off the bath to find a replacement and returning to step back into action, I trod on my ever so smart skirt. I nearly nose-dived but had not the up thrust or impetus to do so fortunately. Off came the skirt (in a fit of temper) back we climbed into comfy Joe’s jeans (at least they have never tripped me up or pulled me down) and back to the task in hand. Here endeth the start of the smart era and no invitation to the Butterfly Ball for you, Mrs. L!
Job accomplished after much sweat and the next appointment was with the duvet. And what a fight. It seemed reluctant to be stripped and sent for a wash and dry and consequently there was a very exhausted and bedraggled housewife. Who wants to be married to a house anyway? I think I want a divorce from it. No more dusting and general charring and maybe there will be time for the finer things in life. Like dressing up, swanning around town spending hard earned money, which is not mine to spend. There must be something that can be done for time spending that does not include money spending. Well apart from swanning about there is really only housework or even, Heaven forbid, real work in the real World.
Perhaps things aren’t that bad or they weren’t until someone informed me that they were back on the Nine to Five shift. Oh dear, time has played a mean trick and that long clear run at it has taken a nosedive with the usual dinner preparation obstacle. Now it is a mad dash to get all back to rights so no one will ever know what has transpired in the day of a very confused, exhausted and not to mention cross, house maintenance department. Why were we not informed earlier? It takes forever to let the dust settle when you want it to and then there is that huge confrontation with the naked bed. I expect there will be a huge confrontation too because as the land lies there is no chance of doing two things at once. Perhaps a mess is preferable. I don’t know. Maybe I should ask “Would you like your tea on time, Sir, a smart and sophisticated wife, and/or a clean place to lay your head. You have a choice of two because I am not an either or all person.” I guess two out of three isn’t bad.
Well perhaps just one cup of tea before the battle of the bed ensues. I may need the strength for the pillow fight after all - won’t I? I mean, I will need the strength, I will. Ah that is why it is included in the marriage ceremony “I will” just have one more and let battle commence.
