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Okay, so this is probably going to turn out longer then I intended. I've been single for 4 months now, maybe a bit longer than that, I don't really remember now. All I know is that I was unhappy in my last relationship...my last girlfriend slept with my older sister, right after her and I had gotten together no less, and then lied to me about it and didn't come clean until after I ended things. We were together for almost 2 years...pretty screwed up huh? I thought being single for awhile would be good for me, give me a chance to get things straightened out...you know, getting a job and those sorts of things. I mean, it's nice and then it's awful at the same time. How you ask? See, I'm a very loving person...I give my everything in a relationship. I love the person I'm with no matter what anyone else says or thinks about them...they can be their self around me without me judging or trying to change them. I can be stubborn at times, very rarely show any emotion that I'm feeling...but that is because every time I did, it got me absolutely nowhere fast. You get so used to being with someone in a relationship, and the cuddles and sleeping next to them. And then, it's just you and there is no longer those comforts. I hate sleeping alone, and it's not that I miss my ex because I don't. It's just that I got so used to having someone to cuddle with every night, or just having someone to lay with and talk for hours while laying in bed. Or having someone to care for, knowing that the two of you make each other happy, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Knowing that no matter how bad of a day you have, you have that person to talk to, or cuddle with, or just to be able to have them wrap their arms around you and tell you it will all be alright. Is it stupid for me to want these things? So wrong to want someone that will understand me, no matter what? I have feelings and thoughts and emotions, and I'm really feeling like I want someone to share them with. And it has nothing to do with the sexual part of the relationship. Don't get me wrong, I would definitely enjoy that right now, especially since it's been 6 months without it. But I would rather be able to say that I have someone that I love, someone that feels the same way about me.
Oh well, just doesn't seem like relationships are my thing. Maybe at some point I will find someone that I connect with and understand, and then maybe I will get what I want. One can hope anyway.
