Oh No...
By Arthur Bartlett
It's happening again, and it's killing me
Second by crawling second
Minute by inching minute
Hour by watch-watching hour
Day by Dreadful day
Year by youth-taking year
Two decades have given the slip and then some, but I caught those
A life full of uneventful happenings, irrelevant to this timeline
Or, that's how it would look if I weren't me
I see that not many care about hospital trips and bed-ridden laments
They just want me to fix their problems, tell them that their behinds are perfectly fine
And I get to smile at other users and be their best friend when giving advice,
And stifle my anger at fellow surfers' taunts of "EAT IT," and "Everyone else is worse."
The cries of one I've never met, and cooings of one I'll meet yet
These cause me ponder
I wonder at how I've survived.
I remember asking someone if they loved me, and she said yes
As she was packing to live with someone else
I remember another, who said the same,
At the same time telling how terrible I really was.
I remember before that, when everything about her was perfect
I remember why we broke up, but not the event.
I remember the sweetest guy I've ever been more than friends with
And then I remember what took him away
Oh yes. I remember running nearly half the country's span
Just to find out if the rumors were true
I remember too, when that same thing took away three years
And I remember one who wanted to take the rest.
I remember nothing of the hospital, nor the fall
But I do recall the doctor who tried to break my all
I remember leaving home, but not what drove me
And I remember how I was let down by those who most wanted me to succeed
Crying in her arms, as we sang to those more worthy of their success
And in the same place before, as the others teased me about my grandmother's passing
I recall vividly the matching T-shirts
My brother and i wore them on our first day at Middle
I remember how much trouble I got into
When my feet just wanted to move
I remember the one I nearly killed
And not knowing what "Epileptic" was
I remember reading things no one else could
I remember screaming at the actors on TV
As they walked into a German trap
I remember asking Papa to marry my mother
But there it stops.
I search and wander those caverns, but each has a block
A wall, a door. As though someone had taken an eraser to it
And named that eraser Abuse.
Am I doomed to repeat the prior existence?
Should I revert, or retreat?
Haaaappy Birrrthdayyy toooo meeeeeeee.....
