A friend of mine, Cliff, has recently had a lot of deaths in the family, and is facing his own mortality. He wanted to write up a legacy -- a letter to each of his children in case of his own death. He asked for the thoughts of his female friends on what kinds of things to tell his daughter.
Here's some random thoughts I wrote up:
Do not be afraid to be yourself. To strive for the things that will make you happy, and to risk unhappiness by making reasonable gambles. But know that going your own way in life will not always make those around you happy. Do the best you can to go your own way, while maintaining good relationships with those who might not always approve but always want to support.
Understand that truth is the most important thing, but truth tempered with kindness. It is easy to be truthful, but not always to be kind.
Always FEEL... be up-front and honest about your emotions. Society teaches women to access their emotions in a way that it does not teach men, and that is what makes us strong. But it's also what makes us weak, if we do not learn how to understand and accept them in addition to feeling them.
It's good to be strong, but it is not good to be strong without being compassionate. Take pride in your own emotional strength, but know that strength doesn't mean treating others badly. You are not strong if you trample on others, but instead are weak. It is the ultimate in strength to be kind to others.
Never allow anyone, man or woman, to treat you in a way that you do not deserve. Always stand up for yourself.
Do not base your self-identity on the way others see you, but on the way you see yourself. Outer beauty is subjective, but inner beauty shines through to anyone. Intelligence, humor, and generosity of spirit will always attract people to you.
Or, to put it more bluntly, don't ever let anyone tell you that you're worthless simply because you don't fit their subjective ideal of outer beauty; you're always going to be someone's physical type. Don't worry about the superficial stuff, but instead on developing the person within you, because that's the most important. If you believe that you are attractive, others will too.
Accept others for who they are. Always see the good in others, and the good in yourself. When you tear down others, you only reveal your own weaknesses, not your strengths.
Love is never a gamble, because loving someone makes us a better person. In the end, all we risk is hurt. But if we don't open ourselves up to that vulnerability, we live only a half a life, and can never be truly happy.
