I'm level 13 now. What does that mean? well mostly it means I don't have a life, and haven't for quite some time now. lol. That and I can post some more pictures. I didnt have the ones I could post filled up anyway though. I will put more when I dye my hair again. that will probably be in the next few weeks because one of my friends likes to do it. It's nice but a little frustrating. I don't get to say, " I did this to my hair," anymore. It takes that little bit of artistic expression away from me and gives it to her. I'm just a nice guy like that I guess.
Other thoughts.
I could be a really excellent boyfriend. I wasn't perfecct in my last relationship. I was good enough to where she didn't want me to leave though. I also learn from all the things I do in the past. I'm still not perfect, but I think I'm getting better, and am usually willing to accept " training " or whatever from anyone willing to let me pracitce with them. But then it goes back to me " letting people get attatched to me ". I end up letting people do get attatche to me, then I hurt them, and then I'm a huge asshole for being really nice to people. I guesse they get addicted, and then go through withdrawls or something when I leave. So by being so nice to people, it's like I'm selling them drugs or something. So I'm no better than a fucking drugdealer??? ( hopefully there aren't drug dealers who take offense to that. I've known some who weren't really that bad. ) Or maybe I'm just being egotistical. I just think way too much of myself. People don't really end up liking me that much do they? I don't know, I'm just writing from the experiences I've had. People get over me eventually though.
Should I not talk to people and be nice to them if I'm not going to be talking to them and being nice to them forever? If I can't continually make them happy, not make them happy at all? Should I not let people get uste to being happy becuse of me at all if I can't always be there for them? Am I simply enabling people? Kinda like enableing them to buy drugs or alchahol, execpt instead that drug is me, or the happiness that I may cause in them?
Intermitant rewards. Those are the most addicting. You know it's not going to happen all the time, but you know it's going to happen eventually. People like all those random little things. That's why it's often the little things that count so much. Whether it's gifts, little or big, kisses, backrubs, hugs, jokes, or simply listening to people's problems. All those little things make people happy. Sometimes it's even just comments left of people's pages. Or random text messages, not all day all the time, that' s clingy and annoying. But just sometimes, every once in a while out of nowhere. I am so good at that shit.... I just need to find someone that likes me, and I don't ever want to leave and end up hurting. Or maybe I should just go out with people who don't like me and I do n't like. It would be less stressfull. I wouldn't have to worry about hurting them, and I wouldn't have to worry about doing something stupid that would cause them to not like me. I guesse then would be the worry of accidently doing something that made them like me. So I guess I'm just fucked either way.
Thanks to all who rate me and leave comments.
