Considering The Possibilities Of Human Extinction and Evolution
Earth Science 083 F
30, 10, 2006
Lonny Justin Boggs
Our Fossil Record
The date is 52 revolutions post colonization. After colonizing this pathetic little planet out of necessity, we Arachnoids have discovered evidence of a moderately evolved and slightly intelligent, bipedal species that, it would appear failed technological kindergarten. These creatures, little more than livestock, altered the environment they inhabited by covering huge tracts of land with a combination of a poisonous petrol based black substance (Environment Canada: Clean Air Online), and hives constructed with iron alloys and cement mixtures containing tricalcium silicate (C3S), dicalcium silicate (C2S), tricalcium aluminate (C3A), and tetracalcium aluminoferrite (C4AF). (U.S. Department of Transportation Federal Highway Administration).
We have also uncovered many piles of their fossilized internal skeletal structures, apparently superstitiously disposed of; these primitives didn’t even eat their dead neighbors! What a wasteful excuse for society by our superior standards. One site of particular interest is a community frozen in time by an ultra-plinian geologic event which occurred on a transform plate boundary. These fools made their homes at geologically unstable locations! At this site we discovered that they made vehicles with internal combustion engines out of various alloys for transport. They possessed the ability to perform simple biomechanical reconstruction on their internal skeletal structure using plates, rods, and even mobile joints made out of titanium. Some of them had mandible implants made of gold. Some fossil remains were even found with more complicated looking implants whose function was lost with the decay of the less durable components. We do not yet know what their fleshy inside-out bodies looked like; weather or not they possessed sensory body hair as do we. In fact it may very well be that they had no body hair at all and no, or very little, ability to sense their surroundings. The most well-preserved evidence left behind by these stupid soft-bodied bipeds was not their internal skeletons, gold teeth or biomechanical implants, but large amounts of still active nuclear waste buried at various locations around the northern hemisphere. We must be very careful when approaching these sites since some of the storage facilities have been ruptured by geological processes and astronomical bombardment. It is by the decay of parent elements contained within these buried facilities that we can date this “civilization”. We consistently found a ratio of one half parent element to one half daughter element. With the parent being Uranium 238, and the daughter being Thorium 234 we can deduce that only one half-life has transpired (Canadian Coalition for Nuclear Responsibility). This dead infant, a type 0 “civilization” (Kaku 1994) destroyed itself about 4.5 billion solar revolutions past.
