I've been pissed off this week. It's been hard to concentrate, and sleep. Here's some of the back story.
I was talking to my step-sister over the weekend, or last week sometime I think. She mentioned that my parents were making a trip to go down and see her this weekend. She said I should come with them. They hadn't mentioned anything to me about it. I talked to them about it on saturday. They are leaving on thursday, and I get out of school on thursday at 11, and don't have school friday, or monday, so it would seem to work out..... My stepdad was acting like he didn't want me to go though. He wanted to leave earlier than 11 on thursday because it's such along dirve. It's like 6, or 12 hrs or something. Then he was talking about how he didn't know of the hotel arrangements, whether they had more than one bed in their hotel they booked. Also I could tell just by his demenor that he didn't want me to go. This is kinda odd because I've been getting along quite well with my step-dad lately. He's been through a lot of changes in his life, and adjusted to new sorts of things, and I've been there to support him during that time. So it's really strange that he didn't want me to go. ( Especially considering I would or could pay for myself if they let me. It's not like there would be any extra monatary expense. They usually seem to like my company, so it's just really strange. )
Later my mom called me, and said she needed to talk to me. She told me to call her at work. So I did, she was busy and said she needed to talk to me, so she'd call me back in about ten minutes. I'm pretty good at being able to tell when something " isn't quite right " by people's voices, and they way they talk. Especially people I've known for a long time, such as my parents. I asked her if it was something bad, and she said it wasn't.... So, I was ok, I'll talk to you in ten minutes. She called back, and said I could go with them, they would just leave as soon as I got there after school. I brought up that before, my step-dad, didn't want me to go. So then came the explanation wich I'm not supposed to tell him she told me...... I'm rather pissed about it. It's been bothering me for two days now. It affects my sleep. It's disturbing to my core issues and beliefs in life. It's a big fucking deal.
See, my step-sister lives with her bf in a house on the same property as his parents. It's a big ranch. His parents are really conservative. Apparently they are " really religious " too. Jerry is worried about what they will think of me. So he doesn't want me to go there with my nails painted, or a bunch of ponytails in my hair. It's almost like he's be "ashamed"? of me or something. It's hard to explain. It's not too hard to understand why he didn't just tell me that to my face, because there would likly have been a foot to his, shortly there after.
My criminal theories class pisses me off sometimes. I'm sure most, if not all the people there hate me now. lol. If there wasn't random group activities I had to be there for to get credit for, I don't think I'd show up. Mostly everything is right out of the book, so it seems like I might as well just read the book. Fuck being in class at 830 am alltogether. But I don't want to miss credit for the group activities. I have emotional outbursts sometimes. Things just really upset me, people in general do that. I've talked about that before though. I haven't been able to sleep well at night, and even the sleep I get during the day cuz I'm exhausted isn't conducive to feeling rested, or refreshed. My mind can't even rest when I'm sleeping. I have a test thursday, and a councelor appointment friday. I missed my last appointments with both of my councelors. I'm not going back to the one at school though. It began to be a waste of time. The day I missed one with the va person, was they day I thought my gf broke up with me. Rationiol thoughts, and memories of things I needed to do ceased at that point. It took a few days for them to start up again. ( We are doing well now )I feel like I did before I was on my medication. It reallly is an awefull feeling. The army trivializes the significance of it when they say it's easily treated with medication. Because ya know what? It's fucking not!!! It's not cured with medication either!!!! Anti-depressiants aren't like anti-biotics. It's not like they kill the bacteria, or virus or help heal what causes you incumberment.
