As I sit here in the warm glow of my computer screen, I find myself doing much the same I as I do every night. Thinking. Many of you have taken the time to read my blogs and get to know a little about me. Many of you have actually seen beyond the sexually incenuating pics which are only a means of appealing to the congregation. You have taken the time to get to know the real me away from this site whether it be on messengers or simply through messaged conversations via email. FOr this I thank you. Although many of my pics show a stern and confident face, I am all but not. I am a kind, reserved man prone to many a moments in deep contemplation.
Many have accused me of being shallow or "stuck up". Well, those who know me beyond the borders of this site know all to well that I am not that. It is quite the opposite actually. I am in fact my own worst critic. I do not see myself as attractive. I just see myself as me. Plain and simple. I have much self doubt and am actually quite shy in reality. I am kind to all who show kindness in return.I carry with me a certain guilt for things in my past. Beautiful things that were ruined however they be not of my doing. I still question myself and fault myself.
Even now as I sit here on this site I see many beautiful faces pass in seemingly unrhythmic dance. I find myself looking into these faces and wondering if somewhere amoungst them is someone who is sitting and thinking the same things. Someone who is seeking that which I may.
I have been technically single for over a year now. I often wonder if there is anything wrong with me. I hear many say "there is a reason for everything and God has a plan for you". I understand this and respect it..I just wish God were not so old and could move with a little more quickness and certainty. I have reached a stage in my life where I am ready to start anew. To begin a new life, a new love , and yes....a new family. Forgetting the past and living happily for once. To feel loving arms wrapped around me once more and to know that the person who is holding me would rather be nowhere else in the world at that very moment. A dream I suppose.
No, I am not arrogant nor am I conceded. I am a hopeless romantic. I wear my heart on my sleeve and oft times it has been my bane. Perhaps i bring it upon myself. I become too hopeful. I give to easily. I don't think so. I believe if you feel something in your heart..then you must be true to those feelings or it will consume you and make you bitter. If all the world thought this way then I believe there would not be as much anguish as there is. My emotions are similar to that of a child....pure and accepting. My love is as a child's also. Unconditional. For when a child loves..........they do not ask how much money one has or their social standing. They simply do.
There are so many people who let their destiny pass them by because they assume things and thus never take a step to make an initial greeting. One word can start a whole new adventure...that word is ...."HELLO"
