Some people ask why their life gets harder when things start to go wrong. Right now I'm asking myself why life is going so much easier. Why is it in this time of sarrow and pain, why can I only sit here, put my head back and laugh things off? Even when I am faced with the lose of a loved one, well more like two or three, all I do is sit here smiling away any emotions I should be feeling. Why can't I cry, why are the sounds of my laugh so empty, why is it when I smile it's the same blank smile I had before? Why is it when my little brother died, I tried to cry, but only for a few moments, I shed so little tears? Not to mention when a girl I felt so much for left me, the only thing I could do was make sure she felt just as mad at me as I was at her? Then when i heard my sisters mother-in-law died so suddenly, it hit me like an avalanch, I just might be heartless. I did nothing to that news. Now all I want to do is drink only to see if this will trigger the emotions I am supposed to be forced to feel under these dire situations. Am i depressed, and do what I am doing because I have never really felt this way? Is it that I have been struck by so meny things at once that one thing couldn't keep up with another, thus causing me to fall into an abyss of complete darkness of nothingness? And why is it I can't implore myself into talking to others of what I am feeling. Can anyone tell me of these things, or am I forced to suffer with these questions?
