Ninja's blog: "Ask the Ninja"

Good Morning Miss Ninja,
How about a little of relationship advice? I am a normal 35 year old woman. I go to church, I work a good corporate job, I am college educated. I have dinner with my family on Sundays. I shop at the mall. But I am terrified to date. I often meet guys through work and people at my church are always trying to set me up on dates. I always refuse. I suspect they think i am a lesbian or very stuck up, but that isn't the case. Remember when I told you I was a normal person? That is mostly true. I have a hobby some people might think is odd and the fear of ridicule keeps me from having meaningful relationships. When I was a young girl I used to play at my friends house with her Rainbow Brite dolls. My parents thought they were stupid or a waste of time (they very much pushed me toward academics). I loved those dolls so as an adult I began collecting them. I have one room of my apartment decorated like a little girls room, with rainbow brite toys and accessories. I have a pretty white canopy bed with rainbow brite sheets and pillows and stuffed dolls. I am proud of my collection and I am known on the Rainbow Brite collectors probroads as the leading authority on all Rainbow Brite mythology.
But Since I was forbidden the indulgence as a child, I associated this play with doing something naughty. Now, I find my sexuality is completely tied to Rainbow Brite. I can not find a man who compares to my ideal guy, because that guy is Buddy Blue. In case you aren't familiar with the Color Kids, Buddy is the athlete of the group. He lives and breathes physical fitness and excels in everything athletic. He is always trying to organize teams, programs, and activities. Buddy is into health food, too, and lectures on its virtues until he's blue in the face. The others gladly put up with him, though, because he's so lovable. Buddy is a peace-loving boy who works hard to ensure calm and orderliness among The Color Kids. Since blue is a peaceful color, it's Buddy's own. And the blue Sprites are the ones who help him color the skies and the oceans and all the other blue things that make up our world. I mean, their world. I want to find a guy who will help me live out my dreams. I need to find a guy who will join me in my special room, both of us dressed up as Blue and Rainbow and sharing the canopied bed and making love under the colorful sheets. Please help me Miss Ninja, I respect your opinion so much.
respectfully,
a lonely Rainbow

Luckily for you, Ms Rainbow, in the information age, I'm sure you can find a creepy fetish group for your "hobby" on the interwebs. Put out ads on caigslist and other seedy websites. I'm sure some closeted Buddy Blue freak will find you and it will be an instant love connection! If all else fails, you can at lease keep Halloween for your crazy fantasies.