October 19th 2006
What the hell this has been a week for man issues. I think that I sould just become a nun and not have to worry about it anymore. I just don't think I can handle another shocker from a guy this week. Rudy, Iggy and Marty have my head so screwed up I don't know where to go.
I'll start off with Rudy, great guy really, one of my best friends in life and he deides to tell me that he is madly in love with me. Not in the just friends sort of way but the whole thing. That he has been in love with me since we met 3 years ago. So now I'm like great there goes another friend cause really I don't think I could look him in the eye right now without thinking the thoughts that he told me he had about me. He got really vivid with that, way to much information.
Now to the lord of the jack asses Iggy who today drives all the way out here unanounced to visit me. Now I haven't seen nor heard from him in about 6 months and now all of a sudden he wants me to move back to New Orleans with him like nothing ever happened. Yeah Right!!! Like I really want to hook up with someone who left me alone in my time of need. So he drives out here take Linnea and I to diner and the bookstore the whole time he is carring on like we were still a couple and everything. All I could think was this man has lost his mind who does he think he is. I don't think I've ever wanted to spit in someones face as much as I did today. Bastard.
On to the one I'm with Marty. I love this guy I really do with all my heart but this relationship is killing me. We hardly talk anymore which sucks it has been 3 weeks since we've seen one another and the just plain being lonely drives me insane. I hope this works out with him I really do he makes me so happy but I feel like we just can't get it together.
All I can think of is the piece of advice my best friend in the whole world told me years ago:
Alice came to a fork in the road and there she saw the cheser cat sitting in a tree.
She asked the cheser cat what way should she take? The cheser cat asked Alice where do you want to go?
Alice responded I don't know. The Cheser cat said then what does it matter.
A quote from Alice in Wonderland in Ryan's own words. So I'm sitting at the fork in the road not knowing where to go and not having the slightest clue on where I'm going to end up.
