Ok...so i am doing this zine with psychic_surgery / jethrablack about Riot Grrl & how it affected(saved) my life .... & i''ve been thinking a lot about how i am now compared to the person i used to be. i have changed in so many ways. listening to RG music when i was younger made me a stronger person at a time in my life where i felt weak & powerless...it gave me something to believe in. & while i went thru different music phases-->ska,pop punk,emo, & most recently rockabilly & psychobilly--i still listened to riot grrrl. but after awhile i lost interest. i dunno how that happened. i still dragged out my old records & listened to them every once in awhile but like i mentioned in my post yesterday--i stopped ordering from KRS & Chainsaw & just got outta the loop when it came to RG music. i still got awesome mixes from people with kickass riot grrrl music but never purchased any new music from these bands myself....which sucks cos i know i missed out & now i gotta catch up!!! i'm in riot grrrl mode....which will soon be followed by a riot grrrl overload...& i hope my head does not explode!!!
(wow--i wish i wasn't so lame!!! i wish i could write like i used to write!!!)
another thing i have been thinking about is how being married has changed me. i mean i'm totally a better person. i'm way more grounded. i was just wandering hopelessly & aimlessly before that. i'm more stable now that i am married. but i'm becoming co-dependent. which is something i am very familar with--i 've done that with friends...& alcohol. whatever. ultimately it destroyed me....i love my husband more than anything but i need to find a way to separate myself from this dependency on him. it doesn't help that i may be getting a job where he works! we are together all the time & i love being with him cos he is also my best friend. we probably spend way too much time together.....i'm just worried that it's unhealthy. our marriage is very strong. it's lame & clique but he makes me whole...he's totally my"other half". i was walking around as half a person for years until he came along! but i dunno what would happen if he died ...i worry about loved ones dying all the time. but i honestly dunno what the fuck i would do if jamie died.....i'd probably die too.i know i'd hafta be strong if something like that ever happened but i dunno if i could be at this point.
i need to find a way to be as empowered & inspired like i was when i discovered Riot Grrrl. so maybe that is the answer--maybe i just need to REdiscover Riot Grrrl.....
