Today i almost had a break down. Things have been pretty rough with the move and all... dennis is just fucking up shit and as usual has his head up his mommy's ass... but today... in combination with trying to pack and move again... for the second time in the past month... and just started working... have no day care for this week cuz of dennis... although i did get that fixed tonight... and then my grandpa said some fucked up shit to me... and i jst broke down crying... i mean just bawling... hyperventilating... and i had a "robin moment"... for those of u who know me know what i mean... and i broke down... i feel like i'm losing control of my life... and i'm a control freak... i have to be in control... my life is so fragile... I've been thinking so much recently about the whole "borderline personality" disorder "bi polar" thing... i have one hell of a narcissistic personality. Sometimes i don't even know who i am... what i'm doing... or why i'm doing it... recently i was talking to this guy i like... his ex g/f was soo much likeme (from the little he said) and it made me realize... i'm this evil person... all of my ex's will tell you that... hell ask scott lol... but it's weird how thinking about other women who go through the same thoughts and feelings that i go through... i feel bad for them... i know whats wrong with me... i know.. sorta.. how to control it... but i'm still so fragile... today was a breaking point for me... if it weren't for tiff and the girls... i'd be lost... in the middle of crying.. i msged this guy... and kinda told him how i was feeling and such... he was major understanding... it was nice... it's nice to know people can be supportive of me and not judge me... i've had a chance to chat with scott tonight too. That always helps... He went through the worst of myBi polar borderline personality phase... and like most people... he didn't deal well... i can't blame him though... i turn into this psycho bitch... a person that i know i'm not but i can't help it... and because of all the stress i'm under i feel myself slipping into it even more than usual... i try not to... it's nice having him there now too... because he dealt with it, althoug we stopped talking, we talk now... it's a way to see how i affect other people... i know i hurt him... and i feel terrible for it... but like they say, you hurt the ones you love the most right??
anyways enough of robin head talk... i'm gonna start gettin ready for bed have a long day of moving and work tomorrow... love you all... mwah
