Seven years
I've spent trying to dodge the lies
living life from joy
to meaningless joy
filling the void with shameful highs
and pretending it's the dream I kept inside
I've given into temptation
until there's nothing left to surrender
and now I only see tearful nights awaiting me
as I stare into my future's horizon
Because it's just another need to me
like the food I eat
it's hunger cured with shame
and a pain that stains my pillow
when I try to rest on those empty nights
wasted where I don't belong
getting things I'll never need
I never beat my demons
just changed them ones with smiling faces
while carrying promises never meant to be held
I pretended everything was fine
when I was more broken than ever
just a shell of who I could have been
and a shadow of what I was before
I want to turn and face the truth
but how can I fight who I am
How can I conquer what I need
when I feel it beating within my veins
So as I lay here
temporarily pacified
with tears of shame streaked across my face
and broken promises ringing in my head
I cower in the dark again
too weak to stand up to myself
powerless to challenge who I am
even as the world plays my weaknesses
like a bow on a violin
I know the struggle will never end
only abated by momentary joys
Even when gazing into the eyes of love
I'm just a pathetic soul
born again just to be sacrificed
like so many times before
in these seven years
I've lived through the blur of addict's eyes
where highs are lows
and everything in between is a bed of lies
and though I see the truth now
and gaze upon my sins with open mind
the world remains unchanged
For it's seven years until tomorrow
tomorrow when I'll be broken again
just another empty day
spent bowing before my vices
while trying to call it life
between dodging the lies
and living the meaningless joys
I've come to know so well
