I have recently realized some things, unofrtunately I realized them through a horrible experience, breaking up....that song "Breaking up is hard to do"....well, they weren't lying.....it's awful...especially when you genuinely love someone and you lose them and for once, it's completely your fault...and i will let everyone know, idc, sex ruined my relationship....not saying i had sex with my guy, cause i didn't and i don't wanna ruin him as a person...he is an awesome, great, wonderful, loving guy and i shot myself in the heart when I did the things i did that caused me to lose him....and i will always hate myself for it...i don't think i will ever find it in my heart to forgive myself....it was the dumbest thing I have ever done....if people notice some changes specifically with pictures on here of me...what happened on my relationship is why those changes were made....cause I am starting now, today, this very second, and changing my life for the better....and it's not in an attempt to get him back...although if God brought me back to him, I would be so ultimately grateful and it would be completely different with me and him, it would....but God has a plan for me and if it's not with him....then it will be with someone else...and that relationship is gonna be based on complete trust and honesty....i will no longer put myself in temptation's path...I WILL learn to control myself....I will set limits, I will stand by them, if the guy breaks my limits, i will kick him to the curb....I'm gonna wait until me and whatever guy I am with are in love for quite awhile before i do anything with him such as touching below the neck except for putting his arm around me...that's what I have decided...I'm gonna have more self respect for myself and others and not go past my limits even on them..it's gonna be hard, but I am gonna make myself do it...I have made too many mistakes in my life, and a friend told me last night.....u gotta make a man fight for it, you have to give him a reason to stick around, you can't just show him everything right away, gotta leave a little mystery, so I am...and this blog was for me partly to just get it out and partly, so everyone else could see this and realize what I am doing, so they could help me with this....I want EVERYONE to know I am doing this, so if they catch me breaking it, they can tell me and get me on track.....so I'm asking for my friend's help....I would really appreciate it.
