i got invited to my old neighbors baby shower. shes having twins.i don't know if i can go though.i don't know if i can take being around all those happy people.i don't think i can do it.thats so selfish of me isn't it?its been 4 months and 11 days. should i be ready to be around that shit ? i don't know its hard enough being around kids right now. i have mixed feelings about it all. i know it was the best thing because i can hardly take care of myself but i feel really bad about not being able to to protect my self or my kind.i had a really hard time with everything because i was sick the whole time and sick after and jesse kept hurting me. i was sooo scared i couldn't tell my mom or sister or anyone the only person i even told was philly because i asked her to take me to the dr. god that day was hard.i found out on valentines day. i cried sooo hard.i cried for days.i cried so fucking hard, jesse thought i was fucking people in my room because he though my cries were those of passion. they were cries of agony. it just fucking sucked. i just want to feel good again.
