Slate's Laws on How to Treat Women


1. Chivalry is not dead, open the door for them, light their cigarettes, fawn over them, they are all special. Make sure to tell her that she is special to you!


2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be the slime that grows under fungus.


3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.


4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.


5. DON'T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.


6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.


7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.


8. If you don't sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.


8.5 If you DO sleep with them, DON'T tell your friends that you did.


9. You can be dirty minded in private, really... most of them are not offended by it.


10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.


11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a wussy...


11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay as much of the time as you are able!


12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a STUFFED ANIMAL, ONE OF HIS SWEATSHIRTS/T-SHIRTS, and a really PRETTY RING. Even if it's not a serious relationship.


13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.


14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.


15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, PULL YOUR girlfriend closer.


16. NEVER, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.


17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.


18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.


19. Don't flirt with their moms... that's just freaky.


20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.


21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.


22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.


23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.


24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.


25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.


26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.


27. Don't show you are jealous. Jealousy is a sign that you don't trust her. If you don't trust her you shouldn't be with her in the first place. Show her you trust her, you can't gain trust in someone unless you let them prove themselves trustworthy.


28. Don't give her something stupid for her Birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.


29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you both more if you draw it out.


30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond. Be Faithful, Chivalrous, and Honest, that's something they really care about.


31. When they say you need to back off, or that they need time alone, it's time to say goodbye. Do it with grace as they were just getting rid of you in a polite manner.


32. If you don't hear from a woman for several days, you've done something wrong, or you're not on their mind. Pay attention and realize she's probably no longer with you.


33. Look at her like she's the only woman you see.


34. Stay up all night with her when she's sick.


35. Love them with the ABCDEF of love:


Always give them your best
Believe in them and their value.
Care for them and about their hurts.
Desire what's best for them.
Erase all offenses.
Forever love them with all that you are.

36. NEVER Hit a woman!


37. Don't marinade in the cologne, but smell good.


Pass this on so more guys know how to treat their women!!! Women, pass this on to your boyfriends, most of them need to learn these laws. I am not accepting any further wedding proposals. Thank you for your kindness you've shown me, It's very flattering! However I'm not even ready for a marriage.