SheDevilHumpToy2Holly's blog: "stuff"

Reason, Season and Lifetime .. People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. .. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. ... Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. ... Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. ... When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends. ... LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life.

If you dont listen to the video read the lyrics Dreaming comes so easily Cause it's all that i've known True love is a fairytale I'm damaged, so how would I know? I'm scared and i'm alone I'm shamed and I need for you to know I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me Healing comes so painfully And it chills to the bone Won't let anyone get close to me I'm damaged, as i'm sure you know I'm scared and I'm alone I'm shamed and I need for you to know I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away [ Plumb Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ] Cause I feel you, I feel you near me There's only for my soul And undo this fear Forgiveness for a man Who was stronger I was just a little girl But I can't look back I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me Can't go back... Can't go back... Can't go back... Can't go back... I can't go back... I can't go back... I can't go back.. I must go on... I must go on... I must go on... I must go on... I must go on... I must go on... I must go on...

The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life, waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "he" is gone forever. The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair, it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were. Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what's taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday. Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes. Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs. You know...the "better them, than me" attitude. My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. The "person" who is emerging from the pit.

I've learned that you can not make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved.The rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.