Many of you know I am divorced and my Daughter goes to my exs house a few days a week. Sundays are the day that is the toughest for me. My girl goes Saturday night thru Tuesday Mornings. Although it is nice to have a saturday night free, I spend those nights for the most part on here or with my steady date...Mr. Blockbuster Video.
Sundays for the last 2 months I have filled with jobs for modeling meeting with Photographers and such..You would think that today, my first day alone in months I would be overjoyed by the alone time....after all my family and I mean my ENTIRE family lives in Illinois and I live out here on the East Coast in Jersey all by my self...
Today the solitude has been kicking me back into my depression. I cried for 2 hours...and just slept for a while. I still have that horrible pain in my heart I have to let go of.
I Love someone so much but it is so surreal at times. I need the tangible aspect in my life and I know it is coming soon. I just hate the feelings I have right now. The rain pounding on the water outside and my thoughts of financial worries are keeping me down today. I have had a series of insane dreams in the past few days that wake me with serious hurt and anger and I know they are trying to tell me something.
With all my Heart I Love this man and I soon hope to be able to give him it all. The worries I have in front of me shall pass as well.
I know my friends have supported me all along and I thank you so much.
