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I love mine. The camera is great at concerts. Although those on the receiving end of my hundreds of blurry, over exposed stage photos probably disagree. The text feature is nice when I am away from the computer. A totally cool invention right?
Not all the time. At least not for me.
A few months ago, I was having this terrible run of insomnia. A lot of stress and an over active brain was making it tough to sleep. So I went to the doctor and she gave me a prescription for Ambien. I bet a lot of you are now thinking, "Uh oh". Most of you have probably seen all the news stories about the side effects of Ambien. The most common side effect is middle of the night, binge eating. To those who have read my blogs, and to those who know me, if that is the most common reaction, it won't happen to me. Nope, if you go to the bottom of the warning label, where the print is the smallest, you will see a section that says "Slim to none" Yep, there is the list of crap that will happen to me. When the doctor told me when I was 17 that the chances of me having kids were slim to none, I immediately started thinking of baby names. And if you think I am exaggerating, let me introduce you to my three kids...
Back to the Ambien. The first night, I get home, have dinner, and sleep like the dead. It was great.
Until the next morning. I get an email at work from my favorite person, Dork, thanking me for the emails last night. Huh? Not me, I was alseep and the computer wasn't even on. No, the ones from your cell phone, those were hot. Umm...whaa? Maybe I should check the sent messages folder on my cell phone. Oh. My. I have managed to mortify myself. To sum it up, I believe that I described, in detail (misspelled detail), my favorite body parts of his, and why they were my favorites.
However, I would live to mortify myself another day. Because I had yet to completely embarass myself with the camera feature on my cell phone. Since I had already sent Dear Penthouse Forum over the cell phone, why not send the pictures too? Suffice to say, Dork now has more pictures of my hoo-hoo and ta-ta's than my gynecologist does.
By then, one would think I had learned my lesson. Almost. First I had to have a rather psychotic phone call with my ex, Buck. I don't remember any of it. The next morning, I woke up to find Toadboy and Goosebutt, hiding in their rooms, neither one admitting who had hidden my cell phone. Goosebutt was kind enough to inform me that I had managed to fit most of George Carlin's 7 Dirty Words in every sentence that I yelled at Buck.
At least I don't drunk dial. I Ambien dial. Which is classier, I think. It requires a prescription.
Lesson learned. Cell phone was put out of easy reach. Only took half of an Ambien. Evenings were quieter. Dork didn't fear the phone ringing at odd hours of the night.
Then last week, Dork, Goosebutt and I went to the movies to see Cars. Which rocked by the way. Goosebutt and I went home, and due to a 2 day nasty headache, I took a Vicodin and went to bed. Saturday came, I survived Sunday, and went to work Monday morning.
Then came the text message. Who are you? Odd, it came from someone who was already in my address book, Buck's next ex wife. She had been texting me when they split up for a few days, and I never took her out of my address book. I responded that it was me, why was she asking. You sent me a picture. Not I. What do you mean? Yes you did, Friday night, a rather "friendly" picture. Scramble for the sent file. WTF, I can't view sent photos. Quick, click on the photo album. Oh my hell. Oh crap. The evidence, a rather out of focus, over exposed photo of my...well...dammit. How in the hell did I do that? Ah, see, in my address book, her name is right below Dork's. Fat, drug induced fingers be damned! Sorry about that Mrs. Soon To Be Ex Buck...by the way, have you met my gyno? He has seen the same thing, albeit in better lighting and in focus...
I am thinking that by the year 2010, Dork will let me live this down. And by the year 2011, Goosebutt may let me have my cell phone back after dark...
By the way, have I sent you that pic of my counter tops yet...?
