I've been thinking alot about love lately, and a lot of things to do with that concept. I believe that it gets thrown around to carelessly..."oh, I love that shirt!" and whatnot. I understand that there are different types of love...that love for a parent or sibling is different from love for a mate. I love my friends, but not the same way I love my children. I know how romantic love, how BEING in love, makes me feel. When he's near, I feel my heart beat faster. Its hard to breathe. I find myself smiling. The thought of him does this to me. This adoration usually doesn't last, though. After time spent together, the passion seems to mellow, if not die altogether. Does this mean that I no longer love him? Or has it just mellowed into something calmer and safer? Kisses are no longer lingering and passionate: most often its a quick peck. Sex goes from earth-shaking to routine. This seems to be my pattern.
Now, the internet is a wonderful invention. I'm a bit of a chat whore, and I freely admit it. I consider those that I chat with on a regular basis to be friends, though I haven't met any of them. Some of these friends know more about me than my family does. Its easier, in some ways, to confess things to someone when you can type it. When you come home after a horrid day, there is someone there to listen and care and console you. Can you fall in love with someone over the internet? Can you love someone whose physical presence you've never been in? Is it possible to know someones soul enough to say that you truly love them? I've thought so. It seems to me that (as long as the person is being truthful) its easier and faster to know someone online than in real life.
There is no posing, no worries as to what you look like. Webcams are another wonderful invention, as is voice chat. You can see someone half a world away, speak to them. Hear them respond. Is that enough to fall in love with? To see them cry, or ill with the flu, or in the middle of the night? To hear them tell you about the horrible day they had, or the death of their pet?
I know some that believe that you cannot love someone that you've never met. I say that love has less to do with that, and more to do with the connection between two people. I don't need pheromones to tell me how I feel. And though a six pack is nice, his looks mean less to me than his mind.
How nice is it to have someone be non-judgemental? Who is always there for you, always thinking of you? Someone who will freely admit to loving you back? Its beautiful and painful at the same time.
Should you fall in love with someone online, it poses new sets of problems. As opposed to dating someone who lives near to you, the physical portion of it becomes more difficult. Be it a few hours drive, or a flight of many, being together is harder. There are no guarantees that the actual meeting will go well. And if it does...the parting will be hell. To leave the one you love? The one you think of as a soulmate? And not just for a day or three, but until one of you can make the flight to see the other again.
All these things have been floating through my muddled mind. And I've come to some sort of rambling descision. It truly is better to love and lose than never to love at all! I wouldn't trade years of "what ifs" for days, weeks, months of whatever bliss he can provide me!! I want to take the chance, find out for myself. I want to be loved, adored and caressed. Theres a verse from a damn song that keeps running through my head "I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance. I could've missed the pain, but I'dve had to miss the dance." There. Now that I've rambled on and confused myself...what do you think?
