Ok all let’s go for a trip, a journey if you will into the heart of a wicked lil girl. We’ll see all the blackness maybe some emptiness, perhaps some despair, Oh what is that you ask? What is the light all along the walls that shows the blackness at the end? Let me explain something my friend, that light is the pain that leads the way through life . . . If for some reason you should ever lose sight of me on this journey please do not fear just follow that light and the pain will guide you out. Now, please take my hand as our voyage begins.
I walked down this lonely road all alone on my way through finding very few along the way to stop for. The ones I find inevitably are not the ones that I need to find. They are not the ones that I need to be stopping for. The ones I stop for are the ones who make my light shine brightly and intensify the darkness within. I can never find the ones to dim the light making my life more clear. I have looked and moved on and looked some more yet all I find are bright spots to add to my collection.
I have tried to find the bad boys who are bound to make me feel special. The guys who treat everyone badly but have somehow chosen to be with me. The guys who would rather get drunk than anything else and want to fight at the end of the day. The ones who never ask how I am and care even less. The ones that must be worth my time though because they chose me.
I learned my lesson with these guys; you can see the light for yourself. That light burns so brightly from years of bad boys. Years of the guys who made me cry for no reason. Years of the guys who made me think I was not good enough for anyone else. Years of hearing how I should be thankful that I have him because if I didn’t have him I would be alone. Years of vivid light blinding my sight, making me see only the shadows of what I wanted. I was never able to see the entire picture only what was on display in the light.
I grew from that blindness though I gained my sight. I found the type of man that I want to have. I found the nice guy that women always turn away from. I found the heart behind the actions and I thought this is what I need. There is no harsh light to blind me from what he doesn’t want to be seen. So, imagine my surprise when this man too had a blinding light that found its way into me. This pain was unexpected so therefore that light shines the brightest. That is the light we are in front of right now, the one that causes you pain just to look into. That is my heart, my friend, bright and shining but full of pain.
This trip has shown no good only the truth that lies beneath. Yes my heart is full of light, but when you look closely at that light you realize that it blinds you to what is really there. The pain is hidden because blackness recedes in the presence light. The pain can not be seen when all that can be seen looks so friendly and nice. Who ever thinks that light can be bad? Well, now my friend, you know that blackness can hide in the brightest of places. Pain can lurk in the friendliest of areas.
Thank you for taking this trip with me. I hope this journey opened your eyes. It has given me the opportunity to share with you the part of me that no one sees, including me. Now, as I release your grasp think of what your heart truly holds and thank the one who helps keep it dim. Walk away now dear friend keeping that in mind that sometimes pain is the brightest thing to shine.
