In 2 monthes it will be my birthday, and while most celebrate or get excited, I don't, I can't. Because it just reminds me that in 2 monthes it will be one year since Tim passed away. And I sit and wonder when the pain ends, or if never when it may subside....just a little. How many days am I gonna cry? How many nights am I gonna go to bed and not be able to fall asleep because I can't not see him when I close my eyes. And how many times am I gonna have a dream that's so real I wake up in a daze and think he's still alive? Only to come back to the reality that I still won't get to see him today, or tomorrow, or ever again. When will I not love him anymore, no scratch that, cuz I know I always will, but when will I not be in love with him anymore? Why isn't he letting me move on? Yes I have sort of, and am going to move on, but not completely. Am I gonna be that girl that spends the rest of her life either alone, because I can't let go, or with someone but not TRUELY WITH them? Yes I realize it hasn't been that long, and everyone grieves differently, but I feel consumed. Like he is not letting me go. Maybe that's crazy, but it is what it is. What am I supposed to do, am I going about this wrong?
