I have seriously begun to question men. In the past few years, i have heard so many reasons why a guy didn't want to date me. Usually, it's the whole 'can't deal with 2 kids' thing. Also, the 'don't wanna have to deal w/ an ex thats always involved in your life'....all sorts or stuff... all valid reasons, all understandable... I'm not saying that i have any issue with it... because, well, my life is very complicated. But this past 2 week, thing... has really gotten me confused. I should have KNOWN after he quit talking to me (after i just told him like EVERYTHING about me...) that i should have left it alone. I KNOW I'm an extremely compliacted person, with and EXTREMELY complicated past, so, i expect to scare people off... thats life. The ones who CHOOSE to stick around and stay involved in my life, i can then trust, and be able to form relationships with them. I should have just left it alone once he told me he wasn't ever going to talk to me again (due to what i told him). But, does Robin think? NOPE. And I'm not sure what the EXACT reason was... i was given 3, of i'm sure A LOT more reasons... only one of which truly made sense to me... in that he just couldn't see himself having a long term relationship with me... shocking? NOPE, not a bit... heard that a million times before. And not because of THIS per say, but because of everything in my life, i have begun to wonder if I focus too much on the negative things about me, and not the positive. Because, like, i feel like I am a really good person... and one of these days, when i quit scaring people, am going to make a really good girlfriend.... and maybe, (although highly unlikly) a really awesome wife. But i want someone who truly wants to be with me, despite my flaws. Someone who will completely accept my kids, accept me, accept my life... it takes a lot for me to trust people... A LOT... so i guess i'll know when i can truly completely trust someone then i'll be safe... I guess some days i so badly want to have someone, there... to just hang out with me, and be there, and whatever... tomorrow, i'll be back to normal... and i will go back to realizing why i'm not in a relationship.... but some days, it just sucks... that despite how much i try, or don't try... me and relationships never happen, and never work...
I'm whining too much huh? *lol* sorry.... some days i just have those days, where i want to be sad.... because when i look in the mirror, i don't see the person everyone else sees.....
