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Arrrh, shiver me timbers if you're not the greatest pirate who ever sailed the high seas! We could try and be nice and say that you're not all bad, but we know that if ye were the captain of a ship of raucous savages ye wouldn't spend any time training them to explore their sensitive side. You'd probably be boarding luxury cruise ships, ripping pearl necklaces off ladies, and looting the men (after stripping them of their credit cards and cell phones of course). Long John Silver, Blackbeard, and Captain Hook all have nothing on you.
You could probably rob someone blind and still leave 'em feeling glad that they met you — even if you made them walk the plank! While you have one sea-weary eye on a treasure trove, your other eye (assuming you're not wearing a patch) is making sure you're always seen strutting your stuff and looking mighty fine — wooden leg and all.
