Unwanted
(this one was for Jason, i doubt he ever knew)
You don’t look at me the same way anymore
We don’t share the laughs and good times like we used to
Silently suffering, neither one wanting to admit what is wrong
Damage done, seems repaired, but often I’m left wondering.
That look…
That soft touch…
The gentle words…
Aren’t for me anymore.
Wasting our time, trying to fix this mess
Should have left it alone, and gone our separate ways.
What’s done is done, and now we can’t turn back time.
I had only hoped that one day it would be the same.
Your smile…
Your kisses…
The shine in your eye…
All for another now, I know this is true.
She’s what you have always wanted in a girl.
Perfectly pretty, smart, funny, and sexy.
Something I have never been.
Why are you wasting our time telling me I am the one?
I love you, baby…
You’re the only one I want…
I’m so glad we are together…
Something tells me your only saying what YOU think I need to hear.
Just tell me the truth, don’t drag this out anymore.
You make her feel cheapened, and I am just a bystander now.
If she’s what you want, then who am I to stand in your way.
End it now; don’t cause either of us any more pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Push it, Hold it
Push it down, make it hurt
Its just one more scar
Its just one more wound
Only this one is visible
This one is self-inflicted
To make the rest go away
Is it working?
Am I bleeding?
Yes, I am.
Then it’s working
Push it down, just a lil bit more
Drag it across this porcelain skin
Push it down deeper, kill the pain within
As the blood comes to the surface
The tears stream down my face
Senses are dulled, pain is erased
Numbed to the world, I can’t feel it
Taking out the pieces that hurt
Cutting out the past, the things I cant forget
I am not a whore
I am not worthless
I’ll cut that out too
Crimson blood, spilling over the edges
Hold it down, it’s almost over
Can you hear me whisper?
You never listened before
Maybe now you will
Once I’m gone, will it matter?
No.
It will not
I already know the answers to the questions I ask
I already know why this happened so fast
You could have taken time to listen
You could have given me a moment
Too damn selfish.
That’s what they will say about this
Too selfish to deal, so I took it away
But its not my fault, you couldn’t be bothered
It’s not my problem that you couldn’t care
It’s yours now
Here, Take it!
So deal with it, as you used to tell me
I’m not scared, but you should be
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
26 cuts along my arm
One for you
One for me
One just because
One to numb
One to feel
One for tears
One for screams
One that I needed
One that I wanted
One to see if I still bleed
One to make sure I’m alive
One to make me cry
One chases it away
One brings it closer
One for the darkness
One for the rain
One for the chaos
One for the pain
One not to scar
One to scratch the surface
One because it’s been so long
One to penetrate
One to mutilate
One because it hurts
One for you
One for me
26 tiny little jagged slices
Each a reminder to myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**And this one is for Chris...He will read this one. Promise!!***
Fuck you.
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Fuck you because
You’re a liar.
You’re worthless
No wonder you get your heart ripped out and stomped on repeatedly.
You coward.
You said what you thought I needed to hear,
Simply to get your way, once again.
Because your too afraid to admit what is true.
You can’t accept what you know in your heart.
You can’t face your own fucked up reality.
You sniveling little bitch.
You make me sick.
Cry
Whine
Complain
“Why does no one love me?”
I wish you could step back and watch yourself in action
Then you would see why you question these things.
You make me question the bane of my very existence
You make me question my heart.
You should be the one questioning.
You should be the one asking yourself why.
But you think you know.
Know it all.
World wrapped around your finger.
Well, let me pull the string that sends you flying into oblivion.
Like the lost cause you already are
Head case.
Misunderstood.
So sad.
Maybe one of these days, you’ll wake up and see
What everyone else is already aware of
Your lies, your games, and your manipulations
Will catch up with you one day.
Then you really will cry.
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