Punkin's blog: "Good for a laugh"

Several months ago, I came across a joke called "Waxing Woes", and up until now, I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever read.  I couldn't believe someone could possibly be so spazmatic or idiotic...until now.

Tonight, I decided to do a little "routine maintenance" in the nether region, and started the prep for the project.  I got out the waxing kit, laid out the appropriate sized strips, baby powder (to keep wax from sticking to the skin - OUCH), and appropriate tools.  I took the lid off of the hot wax and placed it into the microwave.

For those of you who do regular waxing treatment, you know what a pain it is to run back n forth to the microwave as the wax begins to cool, constantly reheating for ultimate hair removal.  Tonight, I had the "brilliant idea" of getting it EXTRA hot in the first place to skip having to do this (the start of my idiocy).  I set the microwave for 5 minutes, and walk away, intending to check on the wax every minute or so until desired temperature. 

As I'm easily distracted, 30 seconds after placing this into the microwave, I walk away and completely forget about the wax.  I go out for a smoke, and come in to realize that the microwave is beeping at me.  I think I had a cup of coffee heating, and to my surprise, when I open the door, HOT WAX ALL OVER!  The container melted...wax running all over the inside of the microwave (This stuff bubbles and pops when its REALLY hot).

So what's the knee-jerk reaction to this sort of discovery...the one thing you DONT want to do?  That's right...I GRAB the jar of wax with my bare hand.  Not only does it burn the living hell outta me, but it also STICKS, making it impossible to drop.  So I stand in my kitchen...dancing and cursing, then dash madly to the sink and run cold water over both outside of the jar AND my hand.

What happens to wax when you suddenly cool it?  It SETS.  Now, I can't let go without possibly pulling off already sensitive, burned skin.  Luckily, I remember the wax removal lotion, and promptly rub it over my skin to release the jar.  I stand for a moment, shaking my head at my own idiocy, and evaluating the mess I now have to attempt to clean up.

I look in the jar, and there's still some wax in the bottom, even though most of the jar is melted.  Being the frugal person that I am, I curse myself for ruining a brand new kit, and decide to attempt to salvage what is left, so I head to the bathroom to continue the original plan.

I stir the remaining wax, apply baby powder to the sensitive area of my groin, and spread some of the hot liquid across some of the most sensitive skin on my body, only to find that the WAX IS STILL TOO HOT!  FUCK..SHIT..OH MY BLOODY HELL!!!  What NOW?!  The removal lotion is still in the kitchen, and this burns WAY too much to wait. 

I quickly lay a strip across the offending wax, and RIP!  Oh, no worries...the hair came out.  My skin is now a nice shade of fire engine red, but at least its still in tact.  I take a few breaths, and decide to let the stuff cool a bit before continuing.

Remember, I'm easily distracted.  I decide to switch over some laundry while I wait. I then promptly forget all about the wax...AGAIN...and go on to fold and put away said laundry.  I only remember the wax when I head back to the bathroom to pee...and by now, its the consistency of a gel.  FUCK.  I can't reheat it.  The jar is already melted, and the microwave is still a mess.  So what now?  

I attempt to use the cooled wax to finish the job...thereby reddening my skin, leaving 3/4 of the hair behind, and making a huge, sticky mess in the process...At this point, I give up, climb into the shower, and wrecklessly shave the remaining offending hair.  

Never again will I laugh at someone's spazmatics...Well, I'm sure I will, but at least I might know a bit better than to think it "won't happen to me".