I swore long ago Id never let another hurt me to the point i wished I would die. I didnt make that. you see iv been hurt and i wished and i wished. god didnt answer me. you caused me so much pain i had wished he would strike me dead where i stood but he didnt. how i wished it not once not twice not even three times. but he still didnt reply to my request. who knows maybe there is a reason why then again maybe not. maybe he thinks i havent sufered enough here on earth. or maybe he knows things will get better. I have no clue after all he is God. The last time I was hurt this bad by a person i had been beaten for many years in a horrid marriage. I had been raped and made to feel ashamed . I had been made to feel i was the ugliest fattest woman on earth and that no man would ever want me. maybe thats true then again maybe not. but it was beat into my head enough times i cant help but believe it. even now after all these years of being free of that man and his abuse i cant help but think im all the things he said when im hurt or down. I swore when i left him no other person would make me feel like there was no better way to end the pain other than death. till you.
