Men and their dangerous weapons
How can a grown man produce a beautiful baby then pretend she doesnt exist? not just one but twelve that i know of.
Its sad actualy when i was younger i seen my dad all the time all around town running his business umm hmm manufacturing and distributing??
when i ran into him on the street hed say hi mija want a pop and hed hand me a dollar? BUT he did hug me maybe its just me that empty hug means nothing when you never heard your dad tell you he loves you or even thinks about you. hed introduce me to his friends as his little girl they would go on and on about how beautiful i was and my dad just smiled and talked in spanish wich i dont know...prolly said yeah shes another one of my fuck ups?? mistakes??my soon to be new drug runner?? i dont know but its hard to think nice things when i dont have a single happy memory of my dad i dont get sad im not missing anything hell i dont know what id be missing never having a dad in my life my mom did her best ima healthy strong woman never went without anything shes my mom and my dad put in one and loves me just as much.Mom was there for me when i was molested she went after him NOt my dad.i cried on moms shoulder when my friends were dying family members passed Not his..she was there for me when i joined a gang started all the drugs became sex crazed she turned my life around Not my dad. Mom helped me overcome a seriously abusive relationship MOM is my hero NOT you dad!! i wonder if my dad ever thinks about me wonders how i am or if i have a family of my own? i've never called him dad to his face or on the phone never told him i loved him or missed him. if he died tomorrow im pretty sure id cry. id cry because i never heard those words Angelica i love you your beautiful i did a good job Nada. when im finnaly blessed with kids i swear to god i hope i made the right choice in my booboo and hes the dad i never got to have. he doesnt have a man to call dad either he calls him by his first name. maybe two wrongs will make a right? . my man doesnt even have a single baby picture of himself or a picture with his dad i think thats beyond sad.. i want atleast one picture of my child and my dad so my child will have some memories and i can use it as a learning experience son/daughter this is what you never want to be a dead beat heartless sperm doner that caused alot of mental issues with your mommy when she grew up and realized it shouldnt be her job to hunt her dad down every few years in hopes to hear those damn words...ugh yes im mad the older i get i cant help but blame myself what did i do what can i do? why dont you love me why dont you want me why dont you fucking care about who i've become? well guess what DAD I AM A beautiful, healthy, educated, well loved strong hearted, honest, faithful, drug free, open minded, free spirited, determined REAL woman, Daughter of my Mother, Sister, Tia to my nephew and girlfriend soon to be wife to the best thing that has ever happened in my life A REAL MAN!!
the one thing my heart lacked A void you could never fill..
and after all thats said i can honestly say im over it. thank you for donating to my mother a beautiful baby girl Me!
