Dear Pacman,
Hello again you little yellow bastard!
I spent most of my free time this weekend trying to get your lazy ass around the mazes, trying to get you to eat all those little yellow dots. Yes...apparently they now make you to be played on my Sony Playstation. I was estatic to say the least when I found you in Best Buy. You simply had to come home with me to reminisse about those good memories that we used to share.
But after all these years...of me missing you...did you embace me warmly? did you listen to my direction? did you eat them all those communist little dots?
NO!
I first met you many years ago, when I was a teenager. I was amazed by your speed, by your enthusiasm and of course by your appitite. I had thought that this reunion would be a better one, that this time you would eat them all...let us travel on to bigger and better things...higher mazes and faster speeds, but I was grossly mistaken.
I used to joke that you got high before each and every game...blasted a big fatty like I did back then and that the travels around the mazes eathing pellets were actually you on the eternal quest for munchies. You had your pellets and I had my ketchup chips and Reeses Peanut butter Cups.
Hmmm....looking back now...It almost makes sense!
Or is it that those slightly larger, flashing pellets are actually acid? OMG!...they are pure LSD arent they Pac Man? thats why you see all those ghosts! Thats why they turn blue and start to run from you...its all one big acid induced hallucination!
I think the real trouble started when you met that cheap little whore Ms. Pac Man. She teased you for quite a while before she gave in didnt she Pac Man? Always with the promise of getting some Pac booty but it was many years before she finally gave in and gifted you with her Pac virginity wasnt it? We could tell...for those few years you seemed even more stressed that usual. You actually ran to the ghosts instead of away from them.
Or was it that fuzzy orange freak Q-Bert? Did that night you spent with him in Wonderboy's cave change you forever Pac Man? Did he force himself on you? Anally Q-rape you? I dont know what happened...but after he started hanging around...we never saw you as much.
I had hoped that after waiting all this time to play with you again that things would have changed...that just once you would let me eat all the dots...share your fruit salad with you...drop pellet acid and eat those ghosts that forever haunt you...but no...you're still as selfish as you ever where.
I hear that mocking death noise in my sleep now Pac Man *wuh wuh wuh...pfffft* I think that I will put you back in your case and put you up on the shelf. Maybe another few years of my absence will make you kinder towards me. Maybe next time we reunite you will be more accomodating towards my goals...or maybe ill try hanging out with your girlfriend for a while...see if SHE likes to eat everthing on her screen..and see how she likes to be played with!
In closing Pac Man... I Just have to say that I had very high hopes of you again...even this many years later...and even though you have totally dissed me...I still love you Pac Man...and I always will!
Forever Your Friend,
Christina
xox
This chick is my great friend...
