KellyOAnn's blog: "Lost"

Someone Looked Me In the Face Brown trees, gray grass, running running don't look back the wind rustles through the trees to send a haunting mourning breeze black clouds, thunderbolts do i shake from fear or cold? hush, hush, dont dare cry times are changing by and by black water, black sun, run until i find someone the past is grim, the future bright run until the end of night it is there i hope to find my pacifiying peace of mind i'll run into your warm embrace can you look me in the face? purple trees, blue grass no more need to watch my back the wind rustles through the trees to send a calming, peaceful breeze white clouds, gentle rain you have licked my wounds of pain hush, hush, you can cry times are changing by and by crystal water, golden sun you are my sweet only one the past is grim, the future bright hold me in your arms so tight it is here that i will find my pacifying peace of mind i've run into your warm embrace someone looked me in the face --Beth

Into the Light It's so far away, but right in front of my face. "You're okay. You're beautiful. You're soft as silk and full of grace." Self acceptance. The dream of walking straight and seeing clear. The love you never gave me and frustrations no longer near. It's in a box in another place, with the memories of your kiss and deceptive embrace. I've carefully taken every vine of yours off so not to hurt me. Every bramble, all coming from your enslaving tree. I forget how it feels like for you to touch me, I thought I forgot how it felt for you to hurt me. Until the time comes for you to do it the same. The diseased consumption takes over my brain. Like a feather, into the light, I float away. Yet, something dark and demonic taunts me to stay. You are no longer a part of who I am. You don't control me, you are one of the damned. I tried to save you. I wasted so much time. Precious moments that were solely mine. The thought of you falsely comforts of my soul. I pretend it is you that will make me whole. Give up. Go back. Wrap your vines around me. So I can foolishly continue to bleed? I can't go to that state of mind. I can't go back to that state of mind. I'm on the road now. I've got myself to find. I walk with mild confidence into the light. The divine land in front of me is a hopeful sight. There I am. --Beth

Your Angelic Dance Silent-- I hear you in the music of my mind, your sonnets a waltz, calling forth transparent images before my eyes, a dancer spinning on the floor of thought, bidding me to join you in your courageous ballet. Had I your wings I would. Stillness-- But for the momentous dance I alone think I witness. Breathless in anticipation, I wait for one false move that will never come. Each gesture perfect, it is an illusion fit for sharing, yet you showed me your grace, and I have no means to incarnate your sweet angelic dance. --Sydney

Real Her How can I describe? I know her like the back of my hand yet I seem to know very little of the real her the unexplained part of her How can I get to know this part of her when she does not know herself? I keep on trying to describe The way she smiles and laughs at my stupid jokes The way she looks in the sun when the clouds are hiding it The way she can be herself and not care Should I keep on describing? There is not a part of her that I do not love Every part I may not know but the parts that are hidden I keep trying to know I can't imagine a part I do not know but I do know that I will love it more than ever Can you describe her? The way she touches me a way no one could touch me The way she can tell me that my hair looks like crap The way I can feel her when she is not even there What else can I describe? There are so many things to her that I can not describe them all I wish I could for then I would know the real her

Live You think about it You wonder what would happen Now you can’t believe How could this be? Why did this have to happen? You will never know why You will just sit and make excuses Was it this or was it that? God, why oh why Did she have to die? Did she know? Why did she have to go? Was it his plan? No Some thing must have led her She had to give up Did she have a Choice? Live or die So where is she now? We can all wonder But only one will ever know It’s up to us now Live or die We all have a choice Or do we?

I Don't Know It has happened again Not knowing what to do I open Opening to what? I don't know For pain? To cry? Will I open again? I don't know I don't promise for I've broke too many Only so many can know Is it for attention? I don't know If it is then I'm sorry Sorry for what? I don't know For bringing pain? For brining tears? Why can't I succeed? I don't know Perhaps the pain is just too much Possibly no explanation Is there any other reason not to? I don't know Maybe one more.... Friends But how many more are bad than good? I don't know Why do I feel this way? I do know

After It’s as though I were there a second ago but then I come back, back to a life of turmoil and injustice. How is it that life can bring joy and tears all in one breath? Although we try to capture every moment and peaceful glance we know that tomorrow, yesterday is in the past and we will never again see the same light of day we did the day before. What does this mean? Why are we here? What is there to remember? How are we to live full in each day? How are we to go on each day knowing that each day will pass faster and faster like we are turning in circles. Until we finally STOP and realized life will never be the same as yesterday and we have tomorrow to…

I can't stand this anymore, i just can't stand it. i hate weddings, i absolutely fucking hate them. weddings should die and cease to exist. everything has to be fucking perfect. well guess what? i dont' give a damn how the fucking chairs need to be completely straight. i don't want to decorate, i don't want to wear a dress, i don't want to wear makeup, and i don't want to wear high heals!!! yes i love you but i can't deal w/ your bridezilla bullshit right now!!!! i don't want to be around all these people that i'm never gonna see again. i'm sick people telling me what to do and how to do it. guess what? i'm already doing it so don't tell me to do it and how to do it. it looks fine. basically what it all comes down to is i'm jealous. i'm jealous of your love. i'm jealous that i'm never gonna be able to have a wedding. i'm never gonna walk down the isle and see my loved one at the other end. i'm not gonna be able to bitch and complain because it's my day and it's gonna be done my way. and to top it all off i get to do this AGAIN in 2 fucking weeks!!! ahhhhh!!!! i'm gonna kill someone. always a bridesmaid never a bride.

There is a hole, which i cannot fill. There is an emptiness within my soul. I must reason with what I cannot kill. How do I find what I have lost? He is always racing through my mind. I cannot hide from what I have been taught. I know he is right here in front of my face. I just cannot seem to grab hold of what is clear even though he is the only one that makes me feel safe. Please help me search for some kind of peace. I'm sick of being cast upon this curse. There is only one who can put my mind at ease. How long will it take to find my true love? I must wait until I'm truly awake. I must look beyond and far above.

There she was just standing there all I wanted was to smell her hair She glanced my way just to say hi all I could think about was her eyes She walked toward me with a grin on her face all I wanted was to take her away from this place As she stood in front of me all I wanted was for her to be free She held me tighter than before I don't want her to be sore anymore I whispered in her ear "I'll love you till the end my dear" I took her by the hand and led her to a far away land I showed her everything there is to live for and taught her how to spread her wings and soar I watched her fly far, far away even though I wanted her to stay I slowly turned around to leave when I felt her breathe