The pain left
There is this part of me
That is so afraid to
Let the thought of you
Me, and us go
So afraid if I let it
Go I will die
A part of me has been dead for
Nine long years
Waiting and hoping
Finally making what
I needed to happen
Happen.
Your face, your smile
Your teeth, your hands
The way you look
At me, at us, at it
The way I fit
Inside of your arms
The way you smell
So familiar, so warm
We never said good
Bye, just hurt
Pain, and then numb
Numb is what I have
Always been since you
And I could no longer
Be one happy
On fire.
12/27/2006
_________________________________________
There is a point of
Holding on to nothing
Holding on for the
Sake of holding on
Waiting, wishing, anticipating
Your hands and eyes all over my body
Your gaze, your laugh,
The kisses, the holding
The way you are
The way you look
When you just get home
When I’m doing the dishes
Singing some songs that
Make no sense
Watching you laughing
While watching me
The TV on
Shoes kicked off
Onto the floor
Feet up, one ripped sock
One black, ripped jeans
Dirt under fingernails
Pjs on, showered
Waiting for me to be
Done with the chores
So that the bed
Still not made from
The morning, or the
Night before, calling
Our names to it
Pillows fluffed
Soft gentle at first
Then as the seconds turn
To minutes and the
Minutes turn to hours
And the hours turn
To years, I think
I’ll always come to
You ready, warm
Wanting you to be
Who you are
Nothing more
Nothing less
Just who I’ve always
Seen.
That man that potential
You have always been amazing
You have always wanted
Nothing more of me then
Me
Me
You
Us
12/27/2006
_____________________________________________
Some may say you
Don’t look much like
David
But the world
Does not see you
The way that
I Do
I see this
Mass of marble
Waiting,
Lingering,
Wishing
I would come
Over to it
Make you see
What I see
In you
Always have
Always will
Never stopped
Just fear took over
Fear of fucking
Up this perfect piece
Of you of marble
Of making too
Many mistakes
But I’m older
My chisel is sharp
My hands steady
Ready
Willing
Hoping
Able
For you to
See yourself
Through my eyes
You always have
Been my
David
12/28/06
______________________________________________
27 going on 17
I’m 17 again
Feeling sick to my
Stomach waiting for you
To come to me
Say what I have been waiting 9 years
To hear
I need a “Say anything”
Moment in
This numb life
Of mine
I need to feel
You are the only one
Who has ever made me
Feel, feel deeper
And harder, and faster
Than anything else
When I’m with you
You make this 27
Year old mother of two
Feel like I have no cares
No worries
Just you, the world
Stops, waits holds it’s
Breathe like I do every time
I’m near you, I pause
I collapse inside
I gasp for air
I can’t hear what
The world is shouting
At me
At you
I just hear this
Beat, my heart
Longing to be
Yours again
And again, and again
12/28/06
__________________________________________
Love song loop
I’m in this love song loop
Can’t stop with the
U2 or the Jake Coco
Keep repeating over and over
All I want is you
All I want is you
You don’t need to give me anything
To make me happy
Just the way you are
Just the way you look
When I start thinking
About you I begin to rip things
I begin to get nervous
I begin to get shy
Something I try very
Hard not to be
I’m not shy on paper
I’m not who I used to be
I don’t care about money
But you don’t hear that
You see reality
While I see what could be
You see all your
Mistakes and mine
You see me
But you really don’t
You see a woman
Who knows finally what,
She wants
It’s really simple
You, all I want is you
I don’t need money,
I don’t need diamonds
Or dinners at four star places
I need camping
I need you
I need to know
We could have been amazing
We would be amazing
If you could see what I see
You say you’ll give me
A highway with no one on it
Treasure just to look upon it
But all I want is you
Your baggage, your love, You.
12/31/06
________________________________________
Take the leap
Make the call
Hear what I have
To say
The only thing
Real is this
This feeling
This happiness
__________________________________________
Your sweetness overpowers me at times.
There is this sweetness
That comes over you and me
At the right moments
That makes my toes curl
That makes my heart leap
That makes my head spin
This part of me
I’ve kept hidden
For so long I could not
Let it show, I had this mask
This mask I hate
It keeps the truth in, and shows only the fraud.
You help me take that
Mask off, with your words
With the way you hold me
With the way you touch me
This mask needs to be shattered
And destroyed, and never placed back.
But I’m scared, I’m scared of
You seeing the real me
You seeing all the imperfections
You already see the hate I have for myself
You already see through the bullshit
You cut through it so easily
I want to be imperfect with you
I want to be kind
I want to be patient
I want to be with you
I want to hear you say those sweet things
To me day after day
I need you to see me for who I really am
I need you to see me
Naked, imperfect, happy, sweet
I want you to see all my flaws
And still want to hold me
And still want to have me.
I am not who I used to be
And with you I can be who I
Really am, you don’t want perfection
I want bumps in the road
I want the fights, I want the laughter
I want to be your world, and I want you to be mine
I want to listen to love songs
And only think about you
Tell you I love you when I see you
Tell you I miss you when I am away from you
Tell you how you in my life makes my existence so much better
Tell you how much you mean to me.
But we are not there yet,
We may never get to that point
We may realize that we are better
Off with the way things were
You being you, and me being me
I so don’t want that
All I want is you
I don’t need huge diamonds
I don’t need huge houses
I don’t need a lot these days
I want to hear you say goodnight first
I want to say good morning first.
You already are my first and
Last thoughts of the day
You have been for a long time
I used to wake up, in tears
Tears for you, tears for myself
For knowing what an idiot
I was for so long,
For not telling you when I could have
What I felt about you
What I could see as my future
It was not a long future
But a nice one at least
My tears have stopped falling
They are replaced with smiles
I smile knowing you are smiling
Thinking about me, and us
Thinking about seeing me and you again
You touch my soul
I could make any song about you
You and I
I will always be on my feet
You just help me get on them quicker
You help me see what I can be
I am prepared to bleed
I am prepared to leave
I am prepared to be left
I don’t want to, I don’t know
How long it would take to get back on my feet
How long I would lay in my bed alone
Crying, wishing you were there to dry my tears.
This is the beginning
No end in sight for me
No need for one
Just taking this one day
Trying to be happy with what is
Happy with the thought of what might be.