Today's horoscope:
The stars say it's about time you drop any lingering doubts that you're not good enough or that you haven't somehow earned this current bout of enjoyment. It's time to revel in all the love and luck coming your way.
Is anyone else's horoscope so frighteningly right?
A lot of really good things have been happening to me lately. And I've been trying to enjoy them, but at the same time, it's like I'm waiting for the bomb to drop. This many good things never seem to happen to me at once.
1. My trip that I'm so looking forward to...I wish that I was climbing on that plane today. It's a break that I very much need.
2. Actually being recognized for my poetry and prose...recognized enough to be encouraged to submit it to a publisher. That is something I've dreamed of since I was 15 sitting down to a typewriter and hammering out my first short story. Those words are my heart...my soul...and pouring them out on paper has always been the best kind of therapy. The thought that I could someday be paid to do the thing that I love the most...I am in awe of that.
3. Today, I went into Edward Jones Investments concerned about some stock certificates that had been lost. I have been so worried about finances since my mother became ill. We've lived on a shoestring...barely scraping by. I left that office today knowing that soon, I won't have to scrape quite so much. When the agent quoted to me what the stocks were worth and how to go about having new certificates re-issued, I thought my heart would bounce right out of my chest.
I have found so many good friends recently. And without them...I don't think I could have survived all of this worry and want. You all are so awesome.
First, a very good friend helped me out financially so that I could plan this trip...a vacation that I've needed for so long, a way to see an old friend, AND the chance to meet someone from CT who has become very important to me.
Thank you, Claire. You will never know just what you've given me by being my friend and doing this thing that you've done. You've put more faith in me than I've ever been able to put in myself and you've shown me that true friendship is sometimes just a mouse click away. I adore you. You are a beautiful person, Claire, and you deserve every possible happiness. Never doubt that.
Second, my friend Hope also put this unimaginable faith in me. She has held me up through all of this nervous energy that has threatened to consume me. She has talked me through some rough times, online and off. She tells me that my smile is the most beautiful thing she's ever seen. In my opinion, to see true beauty, all she ever has to do is look into a mirror. She is amazing.
Third, Chris.I know that it hurts you to watch me feel the way that I do. I know that you love me and want what's best for me. And I know that you try not to let me see when it hurts you. Anyone who thinks that you are an asshole, has never seen the real you...the you that hides behind all of those random insults and that bravado...the man who I see daily. You are so special. I will always have your back. No matter what. I love you. And, no matter what decisions I make, no matter what path I choose, no matter who else I care for, ALWAYS remember that. You are my fearless friend...my loyal companion. And I will never forget that.
There is one more person who deserves my kudos. But I know how he feels about this kind of positive attention...and I already mentioned him in my "Avoiding the drama..." blog. I think that if I wax poetic on his many wonderful attributes twice in one week, his head might explode from it. So I'll just wait and give him his kudos in person. Because I wouldn't want his head to explode. I'm really quite fond of his head.
Anyway, I just had to do this. All of these thoughts and feelings were just too big for me to hold inside any longer. I may not be a small girl, but even I have my limits.
♥ Morrigan ♥
