Forever Lost's blog: "just read it"

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the breakup well things have not been going well for a little while now..

I went to talk to him and it was a big fight I felt things did not add up, and went to call him out on it, we both got angry and I said fuck it bring me my key.. He was mad and said fine that's what you want and hung up on me.. I should have worded my words so different, but these feelings have been building up inside me.. All I  did was make him mad and push him away to the point of no return..

I still have my doubt, now even more so, if he really cared and if there really is no one else, he would have talked to me about it and I don't think he would have been so mad in doing so.

He feels like I am acting like his ex nagging and saying he is doing something he is not.. I did not mean to come across like that, all I really wanted is him to make me feel like what I am feeling is not what the case really is.. I know in my heart had he been that upset and felt the way I do my love for him would make me show him I care and would want to make things right. I feel if he really cared he would have done the same. He sat there and told me there is so much going on in his life right now and he is very stressed out, he did say he is not talking to anyone else and he does want to see me but there is so much going on right now its hard..

I really felt like it was more then that, I was not trying to make it into something its not, and push him away and make things worse.  Yet that's what I did.. Now I feel so sick you have no idea, I know he will not talk to me and I have to move on, after all this is what I asked for when I went off and had him bring my key..

Truth of it all I love him, but in the end I still have doubt he loves me to.  The stupid things is I hope he calls and we can talk, I would love to work everything out. To be honest I don't see that happening I feel it within he is not going to speak to me and more then fine with it..

So I wonder if I did the right thing, and I feel so much pain..