March 16, 2006 - Thursday
My Phone.....
Current mood: depressed
so yah, today i looked at my phone, and the recived calls list. you know what i realized? in the last month i've only gotten 5 phone calls, besides bill collectors. one was from my mother, and the other 4 were from my friend joe, but the ones from joe i normally miss, because of my fucked up sleeping times. you know thats pretty depressing. i'm soupose to have all these friends, but none of them ever call to see whats up, seams like the only time we talk is at the bar, and latly i've given up going to the bar. the last 2 weekends i've locked myself up in the house and have done absoulutly nothing. why? i dont know, maybe because i'm devloping social anxity disorder? maybe its just cronic depretion, or maybe its just i've died and no one has told me.
lonlyness ... that is my worst fear, and my curse. people ask me why i dont date, and normally i just tell them its a long story and just leave it at that. well i've got nothing better to do so here is the story ....
well i had been dating this girl for 2 1..2 years, we were getting pretty seriouse , or so i thaught. we were living together at this point. anyway a good friend of mine from high school, just got out of jail, and he needed a place to stay for a while to get himself back on his feet. so we took him in. a couple weeks later i took this friend with me to find an engaugement ring, i told him my plan to suprise my girlfriend, but i didnt tell him when i was planning on asking. anyway about a month later, it was valintines day. i was working the night shit, and well i pretended to go to work. so i go over to my moms house, i took the night off from work, to pick up the ring. well anyway i get the ring and go back to our apartment. i walk in the house, and no ones in the living room, i figure there both asleep, so i go into our bedroom and there they both are. in my bed fucking .... this killed me .... my best friend screwing my girlfriend .... all i could do was leave .... before i killed someone. and honestly thats the reason i havent dated any one since .... i just dont know if i could deal with that pain again ....
oh yah and if any ones intrested .... theres a 2300$ dimond ring laying on the bottom of lake wissota ....
Currently watching :
Desert Punk, Vol. 1 - Into the Desert
Release date: 28 February, 2006
