Suffering?
Current mood: depressed
hello kiddys welcome to another installment of my life .....
well here i am, in my kingdom of shit again, my social anxiety dissorder kicked into full trottle, ive got 154$ to last me till friday, i'm out of smokes, and my gass tank is just about empty. will i make it? yah i know i will. well its monday morning, the weekend is over thank god. why do i say that? well i get to go back to work again today yay! no but really the high light of my entire weekend, was, when joe seen me over at the greasy spoon i frequent, and stoped in to see what i was up to. exciting, huh?
well i was surfing the net this weekend and this one phrase i seen has stayed with me for some reason..... "Are you suffering?" ... am i suffering? why yes i am .... what am i suffering from? well first off theres lonlyness, not just the lonlyness from not being in a relationship, but lonlyness just in genral, i mean i have been off from work since friday morning at 7 am and its now monday morning ... and well i have only heard from 2 people all weekend, joe, at the greasy spoon, and liz, texted me to see if i was going to see if i was going to see a show this weekend at the house of rock.... pretty sad concidering ... but enough of lonelyness i could go on with that for ever. what else am i suffering from? well there is also that constant uring for my life to end, wich intertwines with the next one .... pain ... not phyisical pain, i hardly ever feel phyisical pain because of the emotional pain ive been carrying around with me. then there is the constant depresstion i've had now for a while, and then this one i have no clue as to what it is or whats causing it. if i sit here in absoulut quietness like as i lay down to sleep .... i start hearing voices in my head, no not voices telling me what to do .... but just random voices that i've heard threwout my life, and no its not just one at a time there are many voices all in diffrent volumes if i try and concintrate i can listen into just one of the voices, but it takes a lot to do ... and honestly a little freaky ... so thats why i've been falling asleep with either the tv or radio on so i dont hear them.... well enough of that for now .....
and here is just something random ..... you know what one question i hear every day, from random people, who could really give a fuck any way.... the question..... how are you today? i mean really now people i know its a social norm to use it as a conversation starter ..... but come on now, if you dont really mean it, dont ask it. i swear the next person to ask me this question, i'm going to let them have it i'm going to tell them the truth, i just hope who ever asks me this question has a free half hour ......
well enough of my darkness i call my life for this installment kiddys....
remember tune back in, to hear another installment from my kingdom of shit... called my life ....
Currently watching :
Burst Angel - New Tokyo (Vol. 2)
Release date: 12 July, 2005
