DKC's blog: "rambles in my head"

Today is Monday 2011/09/04

OTEP "BLOOD PIGS"

"Blood Pig"

I'm sorry
I'm ugly
all that I am
and I can never live up

I'm failing
I'm angry
afraid of the ways
they pretend to be us

it's fucked up
I'm different
words remain
my only escape

art saves
all of me
evolving

and now you're walking away!!!

I'm so afraid
and now you're walking away

I'm so ashamed
and now you're walking away!!

[voodoo spell:]
Berrate unshat'ecat
 
my mistake
was trusting you

blood pigs
with creating my fate

with poetry
and suffering

I cannibalized
every ounce of my pain

I'm still afraid
everyday

these greedy worms
- they devour my plagues

I'm not your slave
I'm conquering
you see me rise

and now you're walking away!!!

I'm not ashamed!
and now you're walking away!

I'm not afraid!
and now you're walking away!!
 
you can't hurt me anymore
you can't hurt me anymore

fed from the wound from
which we were bled

vomiting filth in
our soft cave heads

chewing on tissue,
tendon and fat

destroying the things
they do not understand!

tyrant.
betrayer.
parasite.
traitor!!

....and still you feed them
....and still you need them

I'm sorry
I'm ugly

dangerous
can't describe it enough

I'm failing
I'm angry

I use my fear
to empower my hate

I'm fucked up
I'm different

wurdz remain
my only escape

art saves
all of me
evolving

and now you're walking away!!!

I'm not ashamed
and now you're walking away

I'm not afraid
and now you're walking away!

and now you're walking away!
and now you're walking away
and now you're walking away

[voodoo spell:]
Berrate unshat'ecat

my mistake!
was trusting you!

blood pigs -
with creating my fate!

with poetry
and suffering
I cannibalized....
every ounce of my pain

I'm still afraid everyday
you still suckle my plagues
I'm not your fucking slave
so why're you walking away?

blood pig!
why're you walking away? 

These are words that describe how i feel about me and how feeling are inside at most times yes the song is not about personal feelings from with in but if u listen and read the words apply them as feeling you will understand how that battle rages with in my mind and soul........i strugle everyday to look like I'm happy and play nice guy when all i really want to do is go and hide from the world and the mouth breathers.......there are few that i talk to and even less that i want to really hear from but instead i act like i am fine and nothing is wrong with me but a few and a very select few they know what i battle and only one understands what i go through on a day to day basis and yet i have let myself push that means of friendship further away when all i want to do is help with her pain and suffer and forget mine but that never seems to happen so what do i do i once again rage a war in my head when there should be none i allow the evil that is inside me to win and fester once again.......to a point where i make relationships damaged to a point that there is no bridge to cross back on...... and i'm stuck in the obiss of my own self hate.....do i some times seem depressed and not a fun loveing person yes but thats my fault and i can say is i try to be the best i can do i have a lot of trust and self disbeleaf in me.....but know i beleave in what i am doing and where i am going and that one day it will happen for me but will i have destoryed all that i want there with me when i finish at the line of my goals answer is yes it has already started one person i wanted to share what is happening with me right now i seem to only piss of to apoint that she is fustrated with me and i feel like i have made her so mad that i will not get to see or talk to her again why u ask it's becuse i call myself "dumbass" alot and yes at times i do feel like i am ate up with it and i do say a lot of dumb things with out thinking....... why u ask again it's becuse it's a reaction i have learned to do so i dont have to face a problem and it just turns and walks a way well i got to run but i will finish this later!!!!!!!!