DKC's blog: "rambles in my head"

I am sitting here with so much on my mind, but not even sure  what it is I am thinking or feeling. I would have never thought  taking an English writing class that is suppose to teach the basic writing fundamentals would have me looking at myself  so personally like this. When I do look at myself like this tho it brings up feeling I am not ready to deal with. I mean don't get me wrong I do want to deal with them and have on some levels but I know I have not fully yet. I am scared of failing I know I have said this before. The problem is I  have not fully got over that fear yet even tho I have worked out alot of it by achieving alot of goals I have set out for myself in just the last year. I have a couple of people to thank for that, but most of all. I know making such life changes is not an easy thing to do but are well needed and happening but there are things missing that will help make it easier and one day soon I hope it change well I know it. I will do every th9ing with in my reach to do it and find the few thing outside the box to make it happen. I am not sure if every thing I want is the same thing that others see for me  and I know it should not matter what they think but I value that opion and maybe I should sit down with that opion and talk about it. Sorry just not that kinda guy I know I blog alot but I am not good with person to person feeling talks. Some thing yes I need to work on, but is not easy to do still trying to unblock that hurt that has built up around sharing like that. I really don't like hurting people but I feel like I hurt people all the time by my words. I know silly right but really is how I feel. I guess I am not use to there being more postive than negitave in my life and feel lost because of it. I like to laugh joke around and always want to make people happy but not sure if I do that anymore.